Open Letter From a Rat

I used to work at Joe Coffee Store in Manhattan. We spent most of last winter co-habitating the shop with a 3 lb rat.
He had alot of personality and really enjoyed our assortment of sweets. He mostly came out at night and helped himself to leftover stock which we tried in vain to secure in tough, plastic storage bins. He always found a way in.
It was a mostly peaceful relationship, if not annoying and gross. You can imagine our shock when upon opening the store one morning we found a letter addressed to the staff. It reads as follows:

To the baristas of Joe Coffee Store: Purveyors of Espresso and Savory Delicacies,

I am a rat. Some of you are aware that I have been occupying your basement for upwards of 3 months. I thank you for the accommodations and have had a most enjoyable stay. I chose your fine establishment because it is a well known fact that I have quite the sweet tooth. It is a treat to indulge on pastries from Donut Plant, located in Brooklyn. I would go directly there but I must admit, Brooklyn is somewhat of a trek and we all know cabs hate going out there. I could really go into a tirade about cabs right now, but let's stay focused on the issue at hand.

Roughly 2 weeks ago I stumbled onto a dessert that can only be described as "life-altering". Being a connoisseur of Old-World European pastries, I was floored to discover that you serve rugelach; a rare and highly specialized Yiddish sweet.

I immediately tore into your reserves and took a bite out of each one. They were all to die for. Each one combined the perfect blend of walnut, cinnamon, and raspberry preserves; subtly sweet, savory and wholly intoxicating. I will however admit that I was very displeased to find that the following week's inventory contained raisins.

I HATE raisins. I have always hated them and don't see where they fit into the food chain as an edible. I have seen children put them up their nose rather than eat them. The elderly put them on their bran flakes to encourage regularity. That is a double whammy of inedible slop if you ask me.

I felt a great conflict of emotion because I LOVE rugelach and I HATE raisins. It was a lot to process, but the love overwhelmed me and I painstakingly picked out all of the raisins or ate around them. It was still delicious but not as indulgent and gratifying as prior experiences because I lived with the fear that I could bite into a raisin at any moment. They are always hiding in there somewhere. Nasty little critters, they are.

A careless and thoughtless baker will fill out a batch of dough with extra raisins because these vile little creatures cost next to nothing when compared to a walnut. The ratio of raisin to walnut was a staggering 8:1. I would have rather the baker gone outside and picked up a handful of gravel to add to the batter than deal with another raisin.

It is clear that I am upset. I beseech you, please contact the vendor and demand they return to the original recipe of rugelach. If that does not work, demand the baker is suspended from further employment until he realizes that this maelstrom of raisins is corrupting a perfect recipe which in my mind is like an act of defiance against God.

If none of this is rectified within the next 2 weeks, I will be forced to take my business elsewhere. To speak about this further, feel free to seek me out in the basement. My hours are 1am to 5am.

God Bless,
The Rat