Saturday, February 10, 2007

So it begins...

OKay kids. Here we go. After close to one year of being in NYC, "The Greatest City on Earth" I have decided to start my blog. Me vs. NYC. Mano a Mano. Bare knuckles. Toe to Toe. Welcome to the soon to be mainstay of your day, NEW YORK IS RETARDED blog.

After a year of being completely underwhelmed, annoyed and disgusted by this place, I thought to myself, "Hey Brooke, what better way to vent your constant pissiness, bewilderment and awe at unbridled retardation every day than with a blog?"

For those of you who truly know me, you know that I have moments of pleasure and ease from time to time here on this godforsaken island. Central Park can be nice on some days when you want to be alone and cry in the middle of a rolling lawn. Be sure it's not at night so you don't get mugged by a mime. Beautiful I tell you. The East Village is artsy and urban; brimming with nightlife, counterculture and dog droppings. Cool! Punks don't clean up after their French Bulldogs! Rad! Have you ever been to Park Slope in Brooklyn? Wow, it's just like a down to earth neighborhood in Chicago; gentrified and full of useless boutiques for stay at home moms to buy tiny little Ugg boots for their adopted babies. How gritty!

I decided to move to NYC for my "stand-up comedy career" where the prospects are bigger and brighter. While I would have to contest my logic behind moving here and thinking that was the truth, I can thoroughly thank this city for inspiring so much rage, doubt and anxiety that I am writing like it's 1999! My little penny pencils are down to the nubs.

In my upcoming posts, I would like get some answers to some tough questions like:

"Could New York be any grosser?"
"Why won't these dumb bitches eat anything?"
"Do guys also have to wear fur coats?"
"How did I get tricked into going to a club in the Meat Packing District?"
"Why did I just pay $13 for a whiskey and soda? (see above question)"
"Is every day going to start out with me waiting on Owen Wilson and Woody Harrelson?"
"Did that homeless guy seriously just take a piss on the F Train?"and so on....

As this blog grows, I would like to hear from you about your retarded NYC experiences and post photos of NYC behaving badly. I think the response will be overwhelming and I am excited to hear what you all have to say. In the meantime, I will be forging on; head down, earphones on trying to make sense of why ANYONE, let alone myself, lives this way and actually, sort of loves it enough to stay for awhile.

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